For some people forgiveness feels impossible because they have no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to be easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.
It seems totally unfair that we should have to forgive when we’re the ones who have been hurt. And that’s the crux of forgiveness. It seems unfair because it is unfair. Otherwise what would there be to forgive? Forgiveness is about pardoning things that are essentially inexcusable. After all, if something can be excused, it doesn’t need forgiving, does it?
The saying "Forgive and forget" may roll off the tongue,but it’s as shallow as it is short. For one thing, it’s downright impossible. For another, it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need to forgive in life are the things we can’t forget. Rather than sweeping them under the carpet,we need to draw a line under them, deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and moving on.
That’s why, sometimes, the initial act of forgive-ness may seem relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person, or speak to them or just think about them, can be harder to deal with. True forgiveness is not an act, it’s a constant emotional confrontation.
And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it becomes. Time really doesn’t heal, it just gives the bitterness and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the "right time" you may never do it.
对某些人来说，宽恕他人是不可能的，因为他们不懂得如何宽恕。你必须接受的第一件也是最重要的一件事情便是：宽恕他人不是一件容易的事。事实上，宽恕他人也许是我们所做过的`所有事情中最难的一件。
受伤害的是我们，但我们却必须宽恕伤害我们的人，这听起来完全不公平。这正是宽恕他人的关键。这听起来不公平，因为它本来就是不公平的。否则，我们还宽恕什么?宽恕就是原谅那些根本无法辩解的事情。毕竟，若事情可以辩解，那就不需要宽恕了，不是吗?
每个人都会说“不计前嫌”，但这句话太浅薄了。一方面，很明显这是不可能的。另一方面，它没有包括宽恕的全部要点。生活上，最需要宽恕的往往是我们不能忘记的事情。我们不可能把它们扫到地毯下面；我们要做的是：在它们下面划条线，故意选择不去想是谁做了这些事，然后，向前看。
这正是为什么有时宽恕的第一步听起来相对容易些，但是，以后每次见到那个人，同他讲话或只要一想到他，你会有一些情感波动，处理这些情感波动会比较难。真正的宽恕不仅仅是一个动作，它是一个持续的情感斗争过程。
拖延的时间越长，宽恕就变得越困难。时间真的不能治愈，那只能带给你痛苦和怨恨，你要花更长的时间从内心中消除这些痛苦和怨恨。如果你等待“合适的时机”，那你永远也做不到宽恕。
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