篇一:申请美国大学入学文书范本
I guess it was inevitable that I’d be on hockey skates at some point in my life, but I did not expect that I’d become one of a rare group of female ice hockey officials before I even reached high school. Being born into a family of hockey players and figure skaters, it seemed that my destiny had already been decided.
Right from the beginning, my two older brothers and my father strapped me up and threw me onto the ice. I loved it and, in my mind, I was on my way to becoming a female Gretzky! But my mom had to think of something fast to drag her little girl away from this sport of ruffians. Enter my first hot pink figure skating dress! That was all it took to launch fifteen years of competitive figure skating. Even though figure skating soon became my passion, I always had an unsatisfied yearning for ice hockey. It took a great deal of convincing from my parents that competitive figure skating and ice hockey didn’t mix. My compromise became refereeing ice hockey; little did I know that I was beginning an activity that would influence my character and who I am today. When I began, I would only work with my dad and brothers. Everyone was friendly and accepting because I had just started. I soon realized though that to get better I needed to start refereeing with people I wasn’t related to, and that’s when my experience drastically changed. An apologetic smile and an “I’m sorry” wasn’t going to
get me through games now. As I began officiating higher-level games and dealing with more arrogant coaches, I suddenly entered a new male-dominated world, a world I had never experienced before. My confidence was shot, and all I wanted to do was get through each game and be able to leave. Sometimes I was even too scared to skate along the teams’ benches because I would get upset by what the coaches would yell to me. “Do you have a hot date tonight, ref?” was a tyhttps://static.t262.com/uploads/1sment that coaches would spit at me during the course of a game. In their eyes, I did not belong on that ice, and they were going to do whatever they could do to make sure no women wanted to officiate their games. I was determined not to let them chase me off the ice.
I made the decision to stand up for myself. I never responded rudely to the coaches, but I did not let them walk all over me and destroy my confidence anymore. I started to act and feel more like the 4-year certified Atlantic District Official that I am. There were still a few situations that scared me. One time I called a penalty in a championship game during the third overtime and the team I penalized ended up losing because they got scored on. I knew I had made the right call, even though I was unnerved when I saw the losing teams’ parents waiting for me at my locker room; for the moment I wished I hadn’t called that penalty. Although it was scary at the time, I stood my ground and overcame my fears. That was an important
stepping-stone in my officiating career and in my life.
After four years of refereeing, I still can’t say it’s easy. Every game hands me something new and I never know what to expect. Now I have the confidence and preparation to deal with the unexpected, on and off the ice. I now also know to take everything with a grain of salt and not let it get to me. I have learned that life is just like being out on the ice; if I am prepared and act with confidence, I will be perceived as confident. These are the little lessons that I’m grateful to have learned as a woman referee.
Things to Notice About This Essay
1. The author tells an interesting story about her experiences as a referee.
2. A sense of her personality—determination, flexibility, good humor—comes through in the narration.
3. Details like “Do you have a hot date tonight, ref?” make the narration memorable (we’d love to hear more of these kinds of details).
4. The essay needs a faster start. The first paragraph (three sentences) says the same thing in both the first and third sentences—and gives away the essay’s surprise in the second! A good revision would all of paragraph one and start at paragraph two.
5. There’s too much frame here and not enough picture. The essay needs further development, especially about the difficulties of
becoming and being a ref, to keep it vivid.
6. The author should “dwell” in the meaning of the experience a little more at the end—“I wonder about…I also think…Sometimes I believe….” Significant experiences like this one, woven through many years of the author’s life, don’t mean just one thing—there are more insights and lessons to explore here.
篇二:申请国外大学的范文和指导
除了通用申请的Essay之外,有些学校还提供另外写一篇Essay的机会。有些学校让你在他们提供的题目中作出选择;而有些学校则没有任何限制。比如耶鲁大学的要求非常简单,只是要求你写一篇500单词以内的你想让耶鲁阅读的Essay即可,基本没有任何限制。哈佛大学也是让你自行决定写什么内容、什么题目,只不过给出了几个可能的写作题目建议:
a) 你生命中的一个不寻常经历;
b) 你在其他国家旅行和生活的经历;
c) 对你最具影响力的书;
d) 某学术经历(课程、研究项目、论文、或研究课题);
e) 过去一年中你读过的一系列图书。
请记住,这些只是哈佛建议的题目,决不是要限制你从中挑选,你完全可以自定题目来写。
题目样本
请提供你的个人自传及解释你的教育目标。
挑选并详细描述一次值得纪念或具代表性的生活经验,好让我们对你有更深入的了解。
描述你的一次最幽默或最尴尬的经验。
你的教育和事业目标是什么?这所大学能怎样帮助你达到这些目标? 你为何会选择现在的学习科目?而你又会怎样将你所学的回馈家国? 描述生活中一些启发你成长或你从中有所得著的事件。
描写你在家乡在2100年的生活。
如果你可以遇见某个已去世的人,并可与他交谈,你希望遇见谁又会和他说些甚么?
提示:简介影响你选择主修科目的因素,特别注意那些引导你选择研究这些课程的经验或想法。
入学申请文章的目的
你的文章较你的学业成绩或推荐书更能让入学委员会了解你的自我和性情。 你能藉此向入学委员会介绍你特别的地方,从而显示出你是与众不同。
如你的学业成绩记录显示弱点,例如你在某一班或某次考试有问题,你可藉此文章去解释或彰顯你的长处。
向校方显示你的写作能力。
当有关的委员会难以决定是否接受你的申请时?这篇文章可显示你的认真度以作最後决定。
写作提示
应该做的
仔细阅读题目并花多些时间去思考。
保证你没有问非所答。
与你的父母、朋友或教师讨论该题目。
同样认真地回答那些短问答。当被问及你参与课外活动的表现时,应列举你花费大多数时间参加的几个活动来回答,并说出该些活动对你的意义。
花费几天的时间去思考题目及准备写作。
先做一个大纲及组织文章的内容。
写一个初稿:使用一种简单的文体和语调写作,并力求简洁。使用你感舒适的字眼,有助别人更易於理解你的想法。让别人过目并对你的草稿提出意见。 改正和修辑你的文章。
整齐写出或者打印出你的终稿。
校对你的文章。
不应做的`
不要只是重复你已经填写过的资料。
不要详述或恭维你想申请的学院。委员会想要知道的是有关你的东西,而非该学校的情况。
不要以相同的散文套用在不同的学院。
不要写一些你不知道或认识的东西。
不要使用艰深的字眼以图使委员会对你有更佳的印象,你可能会错漏百出。使用简单、易於理解的字眼去清楚表达自己更为重要。
不要请其他人代写你的文章,因委员会通常都能够辨别出来。如果他们查明属实,你可能会被取消资格。
动笔前至少应该花上1到2个星期的时间去考虑短文的主题。在这个过程中,你会发现许多以前从未想到过的题目。以下一些问题仅供参考。 你是怎么一个人?
自己最突出的个性是什么?有那些人生态度、品质或技巧是在平常人中比较少见的?你为什么会有这样的人生态度?
你的朋友怎么看你?如果是由他们来执笔他们会怎么写? 你喜欢什么书籍、电影、艺术品?它们对你有什么影响?你为什么喜欢这些东西? 你有没有经历过顿悟的感觉? 你做过什么?你最大的成就是什么?为什么你觉得它重要? 除了读书以外,你干过些什么你觉得学校会因此对你产生兴趣的东西?哪些对你来说最有意义?是否尝试过努力争取并实现了自己的目标?成功的原因是什么?有没有曾经努力争取却失败的经历?失败后自己是怎么面对的 一生中最困难的时候是什么?为什么?你的人生观因此发生了什么变化? 你想往哪个方向发展？现在最想做的是什么?最想到什么地方?在生人和死者中,有哪一个是你最希望可以同行的?
你对将来有什么抱负?30年后的今天,有哪些事情会令自己引以为豪?目前申请的这所学校在哪方面可以帮助你到达成功的彼岸?为什么你要选择这所学校度过往后2到6年的时间?
Too Easy to Rebel
In my mother’s more angry and disillusioned moods, she often declares that my sisters and I are “smarter than is good” for us, by which she means we are too ambitious, too independent-minded, and somehow, subtly un-Chinese. At such times, I do not argue, for I realize how difficult it must be for her and my father—having to deal with children who reject their simple idea of life and threaten to drag them into a future they do not understand.
For my parents, plans for our futures were very simple. We were to get good grades, go to good colleges, and become good scientists,
mathematicians, or engineers. It had to do with being Chinese. But my sisters and I rejected that future, and the year I came home with Honors in English, History and Debate was a year of disillusion for my parents. It was not that they weren’t proud of my accomplishments, but merely that they had certain ideas of what was safe and solid, what we did in life. Physics, math, turning in homework, and crossing the street when Hare Krishnas were on our side—those things were safe. But the Humanities we left for Pure Americans.
Unfortunately for my parents, however, the security of that world is simply not enough for me, and I have scared them more than once with what they call my “wild” treks into unfamiliar areas. I spent one afternoon interviewing the Hare Krishnas for our school newspaper—and they nearly called the police. Then, to make things worse, I decided to enter the Crystal Springs Drama contest. For my parents, acting was something Chinese girls did not do. It smacked of the bohemian, and was but a short step to drugs, debauchery, and all the dark, illicit facets of life. They never did approve of the experience—even despite my second place at Crystal Springs and my assurances that acting was, after all, no more than a whim.
What I was doing when was moving away from the security my parents prescribed. I was motivated by my own desire to see more of what life had to offer, and by ideas I’d picked up at my Curriculum Committee meetings. This committee consisted of teachers who felt that students should learn to understand life, not memorize formulas; that somehow our college preparatory curriculum had to be made less rigid. There were English teachers who wanted to integrate Math into other more “important” science courses, and Math teachers who wanted to abolish English entirely.
There were even some teachers who suggested making Transcendental Meditation a requirement. But the common denominator behind these
slightly eccentric ideas was a feeling that the school should produce more thoughtful individuals, for whom life meant more than good grades and Ivy League futures. Their values were precisely the opposite of those my parents had instilled in me.
It has been a difficult task indeed for me to reconcile these two opposing impulses. It would be simple enough just to rebel against all my parents expect. But I cannot afford to rebel. There is too much that is
fragile—the world my parents have worked so hard to build, the security that comes with it, and a fading Chinese heritage. I realize it must be immensely frustrating for my parents, with children who are persistently “too smart” for them and their simple idea of life, living in a land they have come to consider home, and yet can never fully understand. In a way, they have stopped trying to understand it, content with their own little microcosms. It is my burden now to build my own, new world without shattering theirs; to plunge into the future without completely letting go of the past. And that is a challenge I am not at all certain I can meet. 点评Comments:
1.This is a good strong statement about the dilemma of being a part of two different cultures. The theme is backed by excellent examples of the conflict and the writing is clear, clean, and crisp. The essay then concludes with a compelling summary of the dilemma and the challenge it presents to the student.
2.A masterful job of explaining the conflict of being a child of two cultures. The writer feels strongly about the burden of being a first generation American, but struggles to understand her parents’ perspective. Ultimately she confesses implicitly that she cannot
understand them and faces her own future. The language is particularly impressive:“It smacked of the bohemian,” “subtly unChinese,” and “a fading Chinese heritage.” That she is not kinder to her parents does not make her unkind, just determined.
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